You are not a machine.

Hey everyone, newsflash: you are a human! Unless you're some other life form that has developed the ability to read English (in which case: how awesome!), chances are that you're a human. Big surprise, I know.

Okay, okay, you already knew that. But do you know what that means? Well, a whole lot of things, but what I want to talk about today is the fact that you are not a perfection machine. You have faults. You make mistakes. You have emotions and thoughts that not everyone approves of. But you are absolutely, positively, 100% entitled to all of that, and more! You are not infallible, and that is totally okay. If that weren't the case, you wouldn't be a human! There is no reason that you need to apologize for having feelings, for changing your mind, for being different, for being honest, or for doing things your own way.

I've seen a lot of people, myself included, live in fear of making a mistake. And let me tell you right now-- that's a really stressful way to live. Why? Because you're going to screw up. It's bound to happen. Accept it, understand that we all do it, and embrace the freedom of the thought that you are allowed to make all the mistakes you're going to make. The world will keep on spinning, whether you screw up or not.

I'm not saying any of this to make you feel bad-- much the opposite! We are human beings, not perfect machines, designed deliberately to do no wrong. We generally don't enjoy the feeling of failure, but that doesn't mean that it's never supposed to happen.

Sometimes-- okay, a lot of the time, other people make us feel like we should be perfect, intentionally or not. Your family might praise your consistent successes, someone near and dear to you might admire you or call you superman/superwoman, your boss might think so highly of your abilities that he or she gives you extra work or responsibilities that you just can't handle. You might feel like you don't want to let these people down, so you become afraid of making an inevitable mistake at some point or admitting that you've reached your limit. All this will do is cause you more stress! At other times, we have people in our lives who we may or may not even like, overtly telling us that we shouldn't screw up. You were accepted into this program, so you should be able to handle all the work and get top grades. You're a hard worker, so you should be fine with this extra work. But you know what these are? They're assumptions about you, and they may or may not even reflect reality. Only you can decide for yourself whether assumptions like these are true or not. No one else has that great a command over or understanding of your own life.

I want to share with you all an excerpt from a reading on assertiveness that I came across. The concepts here are really simple, but I found them to be incredibly empowering.

Mistaken, Traditional Assumptions and Your Legitimate Rights 

• Assumption: It is selfish to put your needs before others' needs. || Reality: You have a right to put yourself first sometimes.
• Assumption: It is shameful to make mistakes. You should have an appropriate response for every occasion. || Reality: You have a right to make mistakes.
• Assumption: If you can't convince others that your feelings are reasonable, then they must be wrong, or maybe you are going crazy. || Reality: You have a right to be the final judge of your feelings and accept them as legitimate.
• Assumption: You should always try to be logical and consistent. || Reality: You have a right to change your mind or decide on a difference course of action.
• Assumption: You should be flexible and adjust. Others have good reasons for their actions, and it's not polite to question them. || Reality: You have a right to protest unfair treatment or criticism.
• Assumption: Things could get even worse. Don't rock the boat. || Reality: You have a right to negotiate for change.
• Assumption: People don't want to hear that you feel bad, so keep it to yourself. || Reality: You have a right to express pain.
• Assumption: When someone takes the time to give you advice, you should take it very seriously. They are often right. || Reality: You have a right to ignore the advice of others.
• Assumption: Don't be anti-social. People are going to think that you don't like them if you'd rather be alone instead of with them. || Reality: You have a right to be alone, even if others would prefer your company.
• Assumption: You should always have a good reason for what you feel and do. || Reality: You have a right not to justify yourself to others.
• Assumption: When someone is in trouble, you should help them. || Reality: You have a right not to take responsibility for someone else's problem.
• Assumption: You should be sensitive to the needs and wishes of others, even when they are unable to tell you what they want. || Reality: You have a right not to have to anticipate others' needs and wishes. 

(The above was excerpted from the Stress & Relaxation Workbook by Martha Davis, PhD, Elizabeth Robbins Eshelman, MSW, and Matthew McKay, PhD.)

So go out there, make your mistakes, accept your faults, and enjoy being a human and not a machine!

Mahalo, everyone!